FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!

In a Tokyo Hotel:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE.
IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

In a Leipzig elevator:
DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARDS, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PU

SH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR.
IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER
OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

In a hotel in Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 A.M. DAILY.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In a Japanese hotel:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS
IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE
COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
LADIES MAY HAVE A FIT UPSTAIRS.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.

In a certain African hotel you may choose between:
A ROOM WITH A VIEW ON THE SEA OR THE BACKSIDE OF THE COUNTRY.

A hotel notice in Madrid informs:
IF YOU WISH DISINFECTION ENACTED IN YOUR PRESENCE, PLEASE CRY OUT FOR THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the window of a Swedish furrier the message reads:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The room service in a Lisbon hotel tells you:
IF YOU WISH FOR BREAKFAST, LIFT THE TELEPHONE AND ASK FOR ROOMSERVICE.
THIS WILL BE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BRING YOUR FOOD UP.

This sign was posted in a Scottish harbor:
FOR SALE BOAT SINGLE OWNER GREEN IN COLOUR.

A Polish hotel informs prospective visitors in a flyer:
AS FOR THE TROUT SERVED YOU AT THE HOTEL MONOPOL, YOU WILL BE SINGING ITS PRAISE TO YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AS YOU LIE ON YOUR DEATHBED.

A Seville tailor makes clear how he will handle commissions:
ORDER NOW YOUR SUMMER SUIT.
BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

A dentist's doorway in Istanbul proclaims:
AMERICAN DENTIST, 2TH FLOOR. TEETH EXTRACTED BY LATEST METHODISTS.

The concierge in a Sorrento hotel lets guests know he's on the job:
CONTACT THE CONCIERGE IMMEDIATELY FOR INFORMATIONS.
PLEASE DON'T WAIT LAST MINUTES THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO ARRANGE ANY INCONVENIENCES.

Some German hospitals now display the sign:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED IN THE MATERNITY WARDS.

A Roman medical doctor proclaims himself a :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

The sign at the concierge's desk in an Athen's hotel reads:
IF YOU CONSIDER OUR HELP IMPOLITE, YOU SHOULD SEE THE MANAGER.

Visitors in Czechoslovakia are invited by the tourist agency to:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS - WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

A Rome laundry suggests:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest reads:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX,
FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THAT PURPOSE.

A London eaterie advertised for help this way:
WANTED: MAN TO WASH DISHES AND TWO WAITRESSES.

A notice in a Vienna hotel urges:
IN CASE OF FIRE DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HALL PORTER.

In a Zurich hotel:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY -- NO ICE CREAM.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Russian hotel:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

In a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

In an Acapulco hotel:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Tokyo shop:
OUR NYLONS COST MORE THAN COMMON, BUT YOU'LL FIND THEY ARE BEST IN THE LONG RUN.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM IN YOUR ROOM,
PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN.
TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE
THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING. HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN.



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